Tag Archive | Sadness

Child Of Loss

So I thank everyone for your patience with me throughout my month long hiatus. I’ve been working on a number of different projects throughout the past month. This piece is one of them. I truly had no idea where it was going, but that’s often the case with my writing. So please take a read and hopefully enjoy. And don’t hesitate to check out my other work and leave feedback. One luv – Jay

_________________________

Outside of the elaborate doors of a grand cathedral
A little boy sits on the second step,
He sits, clutching his knees to his chest,
As if he is holding the last breath that will ever enter his lungs

Though I’m not yet near him, I can see that he is crying
Two middle aged women exit the church and attempt to console him,
But his tears won’t stop
It’s like the whites of his eyes are the clouds above the amazon rainforest,
And Mother Nature neglected to change the season

I try not to stare, but still find my eyes locked onto this child’s pain
It feels as if he has cried a river filled with the tears of sorrow,
And my soul has become trapped in the currents of his pain
As I struggle within myself to regain control,
I am now closer, placing my hand on his small shoulder and I hear myself saying….
What’s wrong son?

He looks up at me, with an innocence in his eye that could break the will,
Of the harshest of oppressors in history
And with a tremble in his voice strong enough to register on the Richter scale,
He asks me, when do I get my turn to die?

In attempts to not show the level of concern evident within the depths of me,
I put on the face of a bold man, strong in the resolve of my self being
Sitting down at his side, I look into those eyes and I say to him,
Son, you’re young and have so much more life to live
Why would you cry for a chance to die?

He lifts up his head, points to the sky with his small finger shaking in a way
That makes it seem as if he is tracing the image of God himself in the clouds,
He says to me….they told me that my family went to Heaven,
And that God wanted them by his side,
But when I asked why he left me behind, they just said because it wasn’t my time.

As I search through the maze of thoughts within my mind,
I find that every path ends with another solution of nothing,
And as those same two ladies exit the church to retrieve the grieving boy,
I sit there, on those same cathedral stairs with my eyes still focused on the sky
Torn with the reality of knowing the undying pain inside this child’s mind

Wondering how anyone will ever respond to that question,
Created within the innocence and confusion that is now that boy’s life….
When is it my turn to die???

” Image Courtesy of Daniel Gies
https://www.flickr.com/photos/daniel_gies/6210256302/”

Shadow of Choice

A duet piece with Ms. C Burks from Journalistic Expressions. Check out her page and show her some support. Enjoy.

The saddest sound to hear is the cry of a broken heart
The saddest sight to see are the tears that follow
When no words can comfort the overwhelming despair
When there are no arms to run to for encouragement

When the wounds created from a single moment
Inflict the pain of a thousand lives worth of sorrows
And the only shoulder that exists for you to lean on
Is that of your very own broken shadow

And you have more questions than answers
Where the answers given are inadequate
And the direction you’re looking for isn’t available
Then you have to wonder what options you have left

You wonder how does one truly mend a broken heart
When that heart has actually been shattered
And all of its pieces have been scattered
Like fallen ashes on the road less travelled

Do you give up and give in, or get over it
Battle a faceless enemy with numerous tactics
Should you keep your head up and go forward
Ignoring the defeated voice you hear within

Or do you simply leave it all to the falsity of fate
And instead of overcoming the fear of making a choice
You close your eyes, lower your head
And proceed on as lost as a shadow in the dark

Marionette

Behind the curtains that surround the stage,
Hidden within the depths of his memory, she
Holds her position, and with the greatest of precision
She begins to manipulate her living marionette,
With a hidden control of her strings that would make even Geppetto jealous,
Though, her strings are not wasted on mere physical extremities,
These invisible lines are attached to his mind,
Intertwined with the fibrous lines of his emotions,
Embedded deeper than any other puppeteer’s strings,
Into the essence of what makes him a living human being….
She manipulates his soul
While for the normal person the very act of hoping
And dreaming occurs naturally,
But the unfortunate truth embedded within his reality,
Is that the birth of every dream only leads to another emotional casualty
You see, like a normal man living by design, he
Sometimes allows his mind to open the doors to other living realities,
Like caring, nurturing and loving another woman unconditionally,
But every time he tries to step through that door, his emotions are pulled,
Pulled by that very string tied to the depths of his memory,
Cloaked in the evil that is their history,
It begins to force its way through,
And like the most potent of poisonous venoms it begins to,
Suck the very life from his dream, and regardless of anything
That he attempts to do, he succumbs.
And while the sulfurous sting of sadness fills his lungs, he
Regains control of the only thing he still holds of his own,
He pulls those tears from the backs of his eyes,
Guides them through the gaps of his puppeteer’s intertwined lines,
And only allows them to flow on the inside.
So the next time you question the pain in his eyes,
And he simply replies that a man never cries,
Realize the true reality of what it is that you are seeing.
That while you may choose to shed emotional tears,
He simply chooses to work between the puppeteer,
And is most likely internally bleeding.

The Grave Reality Of Loss

My second ever poetic duet. This was a partnership with a young lady with such amazing talent, Ms. Hasty Words. Make sure to take time and check out her page. She is truly one of the most phenomenal writers I’ve every encountered. Enjoy.
_________________________________________

This morning something was quietly different
The sky above me was just a cloud dotted blue
All the trees were just a few shades of green
And the poetry I normally hear just didn’t sing

The normal sweet breeze was only but a whisper
The cry of the sun’s eyes seemed only but a whimper
On that perch where the songbird normally rehearsed
Sat the silence of the raven with eyes fixed upon the Earth

The church bells were clumsy with an altered clang
And the train tracks had been ghostly silent for days
Sensitive to tell my heart, what I have known all along
The love of my life, this time, wouldn’t make it home

For so long I have been preparing for such a moment
But for a reality of such gravity there can be no atonement
For mending the scars of a love lost, I have not the ability
And I cannot replace pieces of my soul with scattered memories

Heartbeat

I exist within the depths of her being
Buried beneath the constriction of layers
And emotionally built barriers,
Barriers that have all been erected
Under the pain driven misconception
That they are made for my protection

But I miss my beat….

I remember the days, though now oh so vaguely,
When those walls didn’t exist, and I could beat so freely,
Love and passion filled me up completely
And though her mind oft played the fool, none could ever deceive me,
Until the day she laid eyes on you

And I skipped a beat….

At first, it didn’t mean a thing to me
Just a bump in the road of our seamless reality,
But in that moment I let down my guard, your heart started to speak to me
And with a ballad smooth enough to make and Angel give up her wings,
You made me weak,

And again, I skipped a beat

Like unexpected poison you infiltrated her mind,
Maneuvering your way further into her system,
And at that point when you had reached me,
And had finally gained control of us completely,
You walked away

And I lost my beat….

Because of you, she does not allow me to speak
You’ve caused an affinity for you that somehow still makes me weak
I once beat with the strength of a thousand drums,
And sang with the chords of the perfect life symphony,
And yet, I now exist within the depths of her being,
Buried beneath the constriction of barriers,
As a heart that has lost its beat.

Cover Girl

The eyes that she hides have cried
Enough tears to cover a thousand lives
But you would never know it.
Goddess-like features now broken & bruised
Using M.A.C. foundations and makeup hues
Because she could never show it

It makes her weak…..
But no longer with the passion by which lovers speak,
More from a fear of a fervently evil beast
With the ability to command and control the meek,
and so she weeps

It makes her weak….
No longer feeling like the queen of which the stories tell
But like a fallen Angel trapped in the fires of a burning Hell
Hopelessly wishing for a release from her cell,
With visions of returning to the image of her former self.

And so she dreams….

She dreams of being on the island of make-believe,
Streaks of her tears form the waters of the seas
Forcing control of her unsteady hands,
With mascara for the trees and foundation for the sands,
She feels the breeze and for a false moment in reality,
She is at peace.

And in that moment in which her false reality is broken,
With her paradise now lost she is forced again to focus,
On her own eyes…
Those same eyes that makeup now hides,
Eyes that have been forced to cry,
Enough tears to fill the seas of a thousand lives.