Tag Archive | james

Child Of Loss

So I thank everyone for your patience with me throughout my month long hiatus. I’ve been working on a number of different projects throughout the past month. This piece is one of them. I truly had no idea where it was going, but that’s often the case with my writing. So please take a read and hopefully enjoy. And don’t hesitate to check out my other work and leave feedback. One luv – Jay

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Outside of the elaborate doors of a grand cathedral
A little boy sits on the second step,
He sits, clutching his knees to his chest,
As if he is holding the last breath that will ever enter his lungs

Though I’m not yet near him, I can see that he is crying
Two middle aged women exit the church and attempt to console him,
But his tears won’t stop
It’s like the whites of his eyes are the clouds above the amazon rainforest,
And Mother Nature neglected to change the season

I try not to stare, but still find my eyes locked onto this child’s pain
It feels as if he has cried a river filled with the tears of sorrow,
And my soul has become trapped in the currents of his pain
As I struggle within myself to regain control,
I am now closer, placing my hand on his small shoulder and I hear myself saying….
What’s wrong son?

He looks up at me, with an innocence in his eye that could break the will,
Of the harshest of oppressors in history
And with a tremble in his voice strong enough to register on the Richter scale,
He asks me, when do I get my turn to die?

In attempts to not show the level of concern evident within the depths of me,
I put on the face of a bold man, strong in the resolve of my self being
Sitting down at his side, I look into those eyes and I say to him,
Son, you’re young and have so much more life to live
Why would you cry for a chance to die?

He lifts up his head, points to the sky with his small finger shaking in a way
That makes it seem as if he is tracing the image of God himself in the clouds,
He says to me….they told me that my family went to Heaven,
And that God wanted them by his side,
But when I asked why he left me behind, they just said because it wasn’t my time.

As I search through the maze of thoughts within my mind,
I find that every path ends with another solution of nothing,
And as those same two ladies exit the church to retrieve the grieving boy,
I sit there, on those same cathedral stairs with my eyes still focused on the sky
Torn with the reality of knowing the undying pain inside this child’s mind

Wondering how anyone will ever respond to that question,
Created within the innocence and confusion that is now that boy’s life….
When is it my turn to die???

” Image Courtesy of Daniel Gies
https://www.flickr.com/photos/daniel_gies/6210256302/”

Marionette

Behind the curtains that surround the stage,
Hidden within the depths of his memory, she
Holds her position, and with the greatest of precision
She begins to manipulate her living marionette,
With a hidden control of her strings that would make even Geppetto jealous,
Though, her strings are not wasted on mere physical extremities,
These invisible lines are attached to his mind,
Intertwined with the fibrous lines of his emotions,
Embedded deeper than any other puppeteer’s strings,
Into the essence of what makes him a living human being….
She manipulates his soul
While for the normal person the very act of hoping
And dreaming occurs naturally,
But the unfortunate truth embedded within his reality,
Is that the birth of every dream only leads to another emotional casualty
You see, like a normal man living by design, he
Sometimes allows his mind to open the doors to other living realities,
Like caring, nurturing and loving another woman unconditionally,
But every time he tries to step through that door, his emotions are pulled,
Pulled by that very string tied to the depths of his memory,
Cloaked in the evil that is their history,
It begins to force its way through,
And like the most potent of poisonous venoms it begins to,
Suck the very life from his dream, and regardless of anything
That he attempts to do, he succumbs.
And while the sulfurous sting of sadness fills his lungs, he
Regains control of the only thing he still holds of his own,
He pulls those tears from the backs of his eyes,
Guides them through the gaps of his puppeteer’s intertwined lines,
And only allows them to flow on the inside.
So the next time you question the pain in his eyes,
And he simply replies that a man never cries,
Realize the true reality of what it is that you are seeing.
That while you may choose to shed emotional tears,
He simply chooses to work between the puppeteer,
And is most likely internally bleeding.

Forever Flowers

I saw a flower today and it reminded me of you
Not only due to its aesthetic appeal, but
Because like you, despite living a life
Of being battered, bruised and passed by
It still manages to exemplify
The essence of immaculate beauty

Scars caused by the harshness of the world, yet
Managing to still hold enough of the sun within
While developing the strength to grow against the wind,
Instead of becoming a casualty of this world’s sin
Its petals still find a way to radiate
With a vibrance normally reserved only for the stars

And such is the image of you…
For you alone have developed a level of mastery
In the ability to conceal those wounds internally,
And although you bear the scars emotionally,
Within the worst of your reality you’ve captured beauty,
And on the surface you exemplify beautiful imperfection

And though it may seem as if below those petals
Your heart and soul are often on the verge of a loss
Know that within that place where your internal conflict lives,
Enough of your pure essence still exists
The truest luminescence through any abyss
And you will radiate as beautiful as the most vibrant of flowers.

My Unborn Dreams

In the moment that I first met you, I didn’t know how to accept you
And though it may seem as if I in the past I have left you,
Let me assure you, that I could never forget you
For you were indeed the child of my dreams.

And when I speak of my dreams, I do so not figuratively
But rather quite literally, see I can remember you so vividly,
Before you became a concealed wound in the depths of my memory
You appeared to me, mixed in the imagery of a dream

Even before I cursed your mom for refusing me the opportunity,
And for depriving me of the chance to test my own false ability,
Before I had ever read the words that she had written upon that sheet
You came to me, and you said to me that I was not quite ready yet

Even though to myself I often selfishly cried, I
Denied my foolish pride, handcuffing it to the depths of my insides,
And while it fought me for position, at my hearts inner walls it pried
I convinced myself I wasn’t ready yet to teach a Prince to be a King

And so I lived on….

Committed to becoming someone that the world could depend on
Using the pain of a life never lived as a reason to become strong
But I was not yet prepared to relive the melody of that same sad song,
And at that moment I was reminded that true control was not my own

Because, just like your brother who had come and gone before you, you
Penetrated the sub reality of my dreams and your image came through
And I was forced to feel the fresh pain that comes along with reopened wounds,
Because at the moment I saw you, I was certain that I already knew you

As I awoke, I could feel your mother’s pain though she chose to never share it,
I was completely aware that my unborn Princess had arrived at Heaven’s gates
on the chariot of a miscarriage
And though she and I decided to move on, this pain I still chose to bare it
For I accepted that not being ready was sadly, a fault I’d claim as my own

And so I lived on….

Knowing that even though I may have concealed the scars for so long, I
Still ask God to help me maintain the façade of being so strong
Praying that one day it will become true strength and the façade will be gone,
But until the day I have grown strong enough to handle my own

Please, don’t allow me another opportunity to dream,
For again taking on the task of simply living on,
I just don’t think I’m quite ready.

Reality TV

My first ever poetic duet. I hope you all enjoy it.

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In a relationship that may have been doomed from the start,
I handed you the remote control to my heart
Because even without rings, in my dreams you would sing
The song of til death do us part
When in actuality in reality you chose to set the DVR
And said you’d get back to loving me later

To outsiders it appeared that we were on the same channel
People watched us and became envious
But they had no idea that we were stuck on the same station
Replaying the same episodes
Rewinding old outcomes and never celebrating
Because our series was seemingly cancelled

And yet I still waited, though I often contemplated
That our first step toward a future of forevers, would never take place
Even with the proof that Cupid is known for playing favorites
I held on, convinced that because I had waited for so long
Your heart would soon return from its extended hiatus,
Catch up to mine before it ran out of memory
And forgot what real love felt like

Then like a flash of lightning it struck me all at once
We were headed for syndication, with only one episode left
I extended my hand for the controls I gave you
Only to find you had sat the remote down a long time ago
With nothing left to hold on to, there was but one thing to do
Take a bow, bid farewell and recapture what initially belonged to me

And with the remaining shards of my heart still visible on my sleeves,
I slowly step back into the blackness of this new reality,
And as the credits roll I still hear that song from my dreams, and I bid you adieu,
With hopes that no one is ever chosen to replay these roles,
And their hearts are never pained from being exposed
To this same script, with them as the different cast.

On my first ever poetic duet, I was fortunate enough to work with Ms. C. Burks. A talented writer that doesn’t give herself enough credit :-). Check her blog out at journalisticexpressions.wordpress.com

At First Dance

In a moment in which only confusion seems to exist,
The reality in which I dream begins to transcend
The boundaries of the reality in which I live
Causing my perception of this moment to both wind and unwind
Creating within my mind a feeling of in-balance

And like the silhouette of the most beautiful enchantress
At the blurred edge of my reality, you appear
And with every single movement of your hips,
Whether it be subtle or intense, I find myself trapped
Entranced by the rhythmic poetry of your dance

Feeling that the spirits of which I have partaken have overtaken me,
Yet, with a newfound level of confidence in uncertainty I proceed,
Beginning the journey across the unsteady abyss of bodies in motion
Drawn ever closer, intoxicated by your aura inflicting me like a potion
Unintentionally hoping for this to be more than just a chance

And as the totality of our distance goes from immense to only mere inches
And the maestro plays a ballad of soulful bliss in the background
With an increase in the rhythmic melody of my heartbeat
As the enticement of your attraction completely overtakes me, I reach
And grab control of this chance when I grab ahold of your hand and ask

May I have this dance?

Angel

“An excerpt from “Life & Poetry” Image credit to ” http://www.angel-art-and-gifts.com

A high heavenly body
Presented to the world
On earth to be adored
In the form of a beautiful girl
Or rather, I should say you lady
With beauty heavenly high
Unmatched in all of your ways
A true blessing in disguise
Encountering such a being
God sent straight from above
A love so unbelievably strong
A love I’m always thinking of
Now I know it’s true
And undoubtedly it’s real
I’m in love with an earthly angel
And that is just how I feel
My heart, my thoughts, and my actions
Are now focused on one single goal
My love must be received
By this God sent earthly Angel.

“An excerpt from “Life & Poetry” Image credit to “http://www.angel-art-and-gifts.com/”